Life on a campus of 50,000 people can be lonely, but it doesn’t have to be. Our unrealistic expectations of the college experience are to blame.
When I first moved into my dorm in August 2021, I watched my mom’s minivan drive away, and I knew I was ready to begin the best four years of my life. I planned to spend my first night on campus knocking on doors, introducing myself, getting dressed up, getting lost and meeting people.
Instead, I walked to the State Street Walgreens, bought the shampoo I had forgotten at home, walked back to my dorm and went to sleep. By the end of September, I was ready to go home.
My first month at the University of Wisconsin-Madison was defined by the most intense feeling of loneliness I ever experienced. I couldn’t understand why I felt so alone on a campus of approximately 50,000 people. Was it because I had lost some of my social skills since the pandemic started? Was it because I had ended up in one of the Lakeshore dorms at the bottom of the freshman social pyramid? Or was a social life at a Big Ten university just not for me?
Three years later, I know I just needed to breathe and be patient.
According to researchers at Boston University, over two-thirds of students struggled with intense feelings of isolation and loneliness in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. Now more than ever, college students place too much pressure on themselves to find relationships that define the best four years of their lives.
But that mindset is part of the problem. If you feel like I did freshman year — incredibly alone on a college campus — know that you aren’t.
Leaving home for the first time is terrifying, but we make it through by promising ourselves there’s something better on the other side. Your mom might not be doing your laundry anymore, but hey, at least you’ll be attending the best party of your life every weekend, right?
Probably not. Instead, the start to your "best four years" begins with an uphill battle to find someone to sit with at the dining hall. That’s perfectly normal, even if it’s a bit of a letdown. But when we expect nothing but the best, it feels impossible to understand why we spend so much time alone.
The transition from high school to college is hard, and finding “your people” can be difficult, but you just have to keep trying. Often, the start to your best four years can be something random.
Before I came to campus, I joined the Class of 2025 Facebook group. From there, I met someone I planned to live with, but things didn’t work out. Instead, they invited me to their graduation party, where I met someone who told me to try out for the Mock Trial team. I went home, went to bed, and we didn’t talk until I came to campus.
Two months passed, and the end of September came. Instead of exploring Madison, I had spent my time in my dorm watching The Last Man on Earth and eating microwavable cups of Mac & Cheese. But then I saw a flier advertising the student org fair and remembered my conversation from all the way back in August. I walked to the Kohl Center and signed up for a tryout spot on the Mock Trial team.
I spent an hour and a half preparing. I walked out of auditions convinced I wouldn’t get a call back. That same week, I spent an hour on the phone with my mom. I told her I never thought getting new friends in college would be this hard.
Then I got the call. I made the team.
Now, I’ve been a member of the Mock Trial team for three years. The person I spoke to at that graduation party is my future roommate, and five other names from the sign-up sheet are the friends I’ll force my kids to call “aunt” and “uncle.”
But there is a world where I didn’t try. I would have never met my closest friends, and I wouldn’t have known the difference.
Life on a college campus presents the opportunity for the best years of our lives, but they don’t just fall into our laps. Sometimes, finding your community is completely random. You just have to keep trying.
Blake Martin is a junior studying English and political science. Do you agree that finding community on campus takes time? Send all comments to opinion@dailycardinal.com.