Almanac

Have people considered not dying?

During a time of emerging COVID-19 variants and exhausted medical workers, those who fall into at-risk groups should just consider not dying.

The omicron variant is milder than we thought

In the face of the potentially less lethal omicron variant, the CDC is basing guidelines on best-case scenarios.

In the era of coronavirus nothing matters anymore, so why is it still so hard to win a stuffed animal from a claw machine?

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. Catch a stuffed tiger by the toe. If he hollers, or if he doesn't, let him go. Eeny, meeny, miney, moe.

Cardinalscopes: How you will contract coronavirus based on your sign

Scientists have recently uncovered evidence showing that contracting COVID-19 is highly dependent on zodiac sign. 

Mifflin was ‘murican AF this year

Opinion: I was filing for unemployment weeks before it was cool

While most Americans were caught by surprise when the nation shut down to slow the spread of coronavirus, I was one of the few who saw it coming, and I acted.

Evers: Illinois residents to be placed on each street corner as encouragement for Wisconsinites to stay inside

The Office of the Governor has proposed a creative solution to slowing the spread of Covid-19: placing Illinois residents on each street corner to encourage social distancing.

Social media icon selflessly uses platform to raise nation's spirits, miraculously aiding worried souls with kind words through life-shattering pandemic

Social media influencer Karen McSmith singlehandedly eases worlds' troubles with her selfless contributions of uplifting social media content. 

UW-Madison attempts to compensate for student unemployment concerns with Starship emotional support positions

Many students who have lost their opportunity to work due to the coronavirus pandemic are struggling; in a feeble attempt to address concerns, the university released a limited number of part-time summer positions titled “Starship Emotional Support.”

Madisonians hope UW-Madison’s ‘party’ dorms will be the first converted into emergency overflow rooms

Coronavirus patients in Sellery could likely start a rousing game of beer pong using two half-empty cans of Natural Light laying underneath their beds. 

Lockdown

"This lockdown will not last forever / This lockdown will certainly end"

Coronavirus participated in the ‘until tomorrow’ Instagram challenge and it’s sups embarrassing

Sad, ugly coronavirus sheds a tear after reading millions of hate comments.

Chad of the Sigma Chicken Pot Pie fraternity at UW-Madison contracts coronavirus

Chad McBrad, his boys and their newest Sigma Chicken Pot Pie Pledge, Covid-19. 

Four walls

Tom Brady social distances from New England Patriots, self isolates in Tampa Bay

Coronavirus pandemic forces Brady to social distance from the New England Patriots' roster.

STEM departments uncancel class: “Coronavirus panic creates exact type of stressful environment we want to train our students to thrive in”

STEM departments will hold class despite Covid-19 concerns.