My great great Russian grandfather was an immigrant. Now I’m protecting the border
By Peter Pricket | Apr. 4No more American Dream.
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Hawk Tuah girl and I are becoming pool reporters!
By Peter Pricket | Mar. 2HAWK TUAH ENTERS THE OVAL OFFICE WITH ME.
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You aren’t going to start a revolution. You need to get a job
By Peter Pricket | Jan. 23Hot take: I have been realizing things and Peter Pricket is now coming forward with new ideas he has been hiding.
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Peter’s haikus for you
By Peter Pricket | Jan. 23I’m feeling really poetic today, happy first day of classes!
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Conservative student discovers pleasure for the first time through sex education module
By Peter Pricket | Dec. 5Today in my conservative WILL law course, I was told to do course evaluations. But, through a turn of bad clicks, my mouse landed on “SexWise Module.”
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Undercover at Mnookin’s UWPD party: 90 Zyns, ketamine and a hummus platter
By Peter Pricket | Dec. 5I heard some murmurs of “free speech advocacy,” “marketplaces of ideas” and “DEI.”
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Vote me for ASM. I will add a Department of Efficiency and cut UHS
By Peter Pricket | Dec. 5Fuck UHS, go raw milk, go Ozempic, vote me for ASM.
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I graduated from PETA University. Now I electroejaculate monkeys
By Peter Pricket | Nov. 7Today I electroejaculated a monkey named Cornelly again. I am at odds with this work.
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Catch me feds! I ballot stuffed 450 times in the 2024 election
By Peter Pricket | Nov. 7To feel the passion of Democracy I voted between three states for both Kamala and Donald.
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New York is for the rats
By Morgan McCormack | Oct. 25It’s time New York gets the representation it deserves.
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‘Pokémon go to the polls’
By Isabella Barajas | Oct. 25At an infamous 2016 rally, then-presidential nominee Hillary Clinton made a historic call to action. Over eight years later, we’re still seeing the effects.
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I used to picket. Now I am taking a vow of silence to honor UW’s free speech policy
By Peter Pricket | Oct. 24I am taking an indefinite vow of silence after University of Wisconsin-Madison Chancellor Jennifer Mnookin released a new profound free speech policy.
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Ask Morgan, welcome back edition: From starting new to ending unsure, I’m here to answer all your back to school queries.
By Morgan McCormack | Sep. 5All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.
THE BEET
I’m going to commit $270 worth of property damage to the university
By Omar Waheed | Apr. 27In my final weeks at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I was utterly betrayed by Transportation Services when it impounded my car for multiple unpaid parking tickets. Now, after paying off all the tickets and getting my car out of impound, I’m taking swift revenge.
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Madison to use new measurement system named after Alder MGR Govindarajan
By Omar Waheed | Feb. 22, 2024After grappling with how to get Madisonians to realize the scale of continuous developments to improve the city, the Common Council voted to measure projects via the dimensions of District 8 Alder MGR Govindarajan.
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Return of the redlines: Wisconsin Republicans silently celebrate victory with new legislative maps
By Omar Waheed | Feb. 22, 2024Wisconsin Republicans celebrated a decisive victory after the governor signed new state legislative maps.
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Swiftie Super Bowl Sunday album announcement
By Omar Waheed | Feb. 9, 2024She already blessed us with her 11th studio album announcement, but Taylor Swift has another big announcement for the Super Bowl for Swifties.
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