David Hottinger - The Daily Cardinal

To the untrained eye, the annual calendaring of Spring Break would seem as arbitrary a system as Scanner Dan has to his heckling targets, no doubt an illusion the powers that be would like to maintain. In truth, that bearded bum is far more impartial than the Board of Regents who set our schedule. Through a painstaking investigation, this journalist finds that in the eight Spring Breaks falling between the years of 2004 and 2011, no less that five coincide with St. Patrick's Day, a ""coincidence"" which in effect outsources the celebration of this critical holiday to spring break locales across the continent instead of allowing them to take place anywhere near the ""progressive"" confines of our beloved campus. Although few students would consider this near-perennial placement of the holiday suspect, the nine days of nothingness surrounding this sacred celebration of Irish culture betrays a systematic effort on the part of this University to suppress and suffocate the cultural identity and general will to live among its Irish members.

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