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Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Dylan Anderson


THE BEET

TSA asks that pregnant mothers please remove fetuses and place them in separate bin

As air travel ramps up during the final months of 2017, the Transportation Security Administration are instituting a new policy requiring pregnant mothers to remove their fetuses and place them in separate bins at the security checkpoint. Mothers more than three months into term must take their developing children from their uterus and place them into a bin to be sent through the screening conveyor belt.

THE BEET

UW toilet paper almost as fragile as senior’s masculinity

According to Sewell Social Sciences men’s room sources, the university-supplied toilet paper used to wipe the bum of senior Peter Olson is so fragile, it rivaled his masculinity complex in terms of frailty. The economics major, who refers to his friendships with men as bromances, accidentally pierced the bath tissue with two of his fingers post-shit during one of many passages necessitated by the inadequate paper. “That’s the closest anything has ever come to going up my ass,” Olson said.

ARTS

Mayhem bring theatrical black metal to Majestic

Norwegian black metal moguls Mayhem put on a dramatic exhibit at the Majestic Theatre Tuesday night, playing the entirety of their highly influential 1994 debut album, De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas. Known for using pseudonyms for their stage aliases, the active lineup featured one founding member, bassist Necrobutcher, who was absent from the group during the record’s production.

ARTS

Slowdive give full, immersive concert in first ever Madison appearance

I was introduced to Slowdive by a close friend on a road trip more than two years ago. Zigzagging through the dry hills of southern California in May, I was intrigued by the group’s mellow psychedelia. My occasional listening and modest fanhood provided a gateway into the shoegaze genre, but my expectations for their live act were inadequate. Witnessing their profound showcase served to reinforce the value of seeing live music.

FOOTBALL

Actor who plays Bucky Badger bringing work home with him, girlfriend says

Aaron Thatcher, an actor who portrays University of Wisconsin mascot Bucky Badger has been struggling to separate his work and home life lately, according to his girlfriend. In an exclusive interview with The Daily Cardinal, Thatcher’s girlfriend Alexis Martin divulged that he has now assumed the role of Bucky at all times. “I don’t even recognize him anymore,” Martin, who lives with Thatcher, said.

News

Actor who plays Bucky Badger bringing work home with him, girlfriend says

Aaron Thatcher, an actor who portrays University of Wisconsin mascot Bucky Badger has been struggling to separate his work and home life lately, according to his girlfriend. In an exclusive interview with The Daily Cardinal, Thatcher’s girlfriend Alexis Martin divulged that he has now assumed the role of Bucky at all times. “I don’t even recognize him anymore,” Martin, who lives with Thatcher, said.

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PHOTO

The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die gives a performance that doesn't quite satisfy.

PHOTO

Chicago-based quartet Bongripper emitted powerful reverberations, releasing a heavy dose of ceaseless noise upon their admirers at High Noon Saloon on Wednesday.

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