Erin Van Pay

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09/17/2010 - First in Twenty

Passive-aggressive notes awareness week

New study shows melanomas make you hot

Baby, you're real pretty and all, but dammit, you're pastier than Janet Reno's thighs in the dead of winter. You know what you can do to make me happy and actually want to have sex with you? Radiate yourself in a hot, plastic cylinder for 20 minutes at a time. You know, the same hot plastic cylinders shining brightly with the sweat of all the women who have passed through during store hours, that countless employees have forgotten to disinfect because they were too busy taking pictures of themselves during their shift or going tanning themselves.

Tenants should be wary of terrible leases

Dear Tenant(s): Attached below is your lease agreement.

Syllabus for the world's absolute worst TA

Author's note: Just for the record, I am probably going to end up being a TA in the next few years. I know it goes both ways. I have had a number of awesome TAs and I applaud them for their work, especially within the university's guidelines, but this is for the ones that blow.

UW to invest in weed-powered campus

Days before the spring 2010 session resumed, Chancellor Biddy Martin announced that UW-Madison is well on its way to implementing the quarter system—that is, a quarter ounce of marijuana per student per week. These radical, or more commonly, ""rad"" changes were instituted during the yearly UW-Madison conservation summit, whose date happened to coincide with that of the Great Midwest Marijuana Harvest Festival last October. According to Jacob ""Gnar"" Narford, spokesdude for the Weed Conserve program, the committee decided after what seemed like an eternity in a small, windowless room with ambient lighting to disregard nearly all prior conservation methods.

Drunk girl on chair has something to say

You'd better shut your mouth because this girl wearing some sort of velour unitard/dress now converted into a skirt/T-shirt with a giant stain on it probably has a speech to make. And I'm sure it's meaningful because she's getting up on her kitchen chair as we speak. Personally, I only trust information, news and factlets that I receive from inebriated people three feet in the air because, after all, that's how I learned about the snow day and the final scores of the last four football games of the season (even though I had already known hours prior, but that's not the point).

'The Couple': A forced spectator's journey

Man, there's nowhere to sit! Maybe I should have come to class earlier... oh, wait, there's a spot.